Lessons Learned From Living Abroad for 25 Years
I’ve been an expatriate for 25 years now and I am happily surprised to see so many people now beginning to live abroad indefinitely. So, I thought I’d share some lessons or rather observations that I think may help.
We are all uninvited guests. That doesn’t mean welcomed but it does mean that we weren’t asked to come. And believe me, no matter the host country or its economic ranking, we as foreigners, are not essential in their eyes. Therefore, remember that we are not doing anyone any favors by living there and we should respect the social and cultural norms of said country.
There is no utopia. No matter how much the idea of living abroad seduces you, it’s hard work to set things up and assimilate once you’re there. Every expat must go through a lot of annoying red tape, language barriers, and cultural challenges to reap the benefits of staying long-term. Contrary to the images one might see on Instagram or TikTok, living abroad is not romantic on a daily basis.
While you may have spent a lot of time and effort to live in your host country, it may not be right for you. That’s part of the game. Don’t try to force a square in a circle. When you first arrive, you’ll probably experience a great sense of euphoria because everything is so new and exciting. It’s really after about one year when the novelty wears off and there are certain things that begin to gnaw at you. If you find that certain cultural norms irritate you or there are particular things that you just can’t stop complaining about, maybe this isn’t the country for you. One person can’t change a culture and trust me, you won’t change anything. You either accept how things are or choose another country.
Do your best to learn the language and understand the culture. I thought this was obvious but very often I run into ex-pats who have no interest in making an effort to communicate with the locals in their language and assume that the ways of their home country are superior to their host country. If you sincerely feel that way, it begs the question,” Why did you leave your home country?”
Sometimes making true friends can be hard. Acquaintances are easy to come by but to have a small, sincere tribe is a challenge and priceless. It’s easy to get discouraged but don’t. The easiest method is to join clubs that interest you, where you’ll hopefully find like-minded people. Making friends is difficult because from culture to culture, friendship, as you may define it is different. Sadly, sometimes people are only interested in being your friend because you are a foreigner, making them appear cosmopolitan or they just want to use you for improving their English.
For all five points, constantly define your “why”. Why is it important for you to live abroad? What do you like and dislike? What can’t you stand? And most importantly, why this country at this time? There are approximately 192 countries in the world right now, if you are truly unhappy, you can always choose another one.